I can honestly say that being patient is not my strong suit. I don't like having to wait for other people. Waiting for things to happen that I think should be well underway is something I despise. Life is a waiting game, and I'm losing more often than not.
I have plans for my life. I have plan A and B, and I have even thought about C just in case the other two go awry. I know how each of them will play out and what my role will be in them. Yes, there are some points along all three paths that are a little fuzzy simply because I know that I cannot fully plan out everything. I don't know for a fact where I will be in a year or who will be in my life, but I have a pretty good inkling.
If I was a little smarter, I would realize that my plan has never worked out in the past. I have always had to instate back up plans and rework kinks. This life that I am living has yet to go like I thought it would, and as I sit here typing my thoughts, I am realizing, again, that all my plans were selfishly planned out. I wasn't including God or his plan for me. I wasn't consulting him to find out what he might think about it all (if I had, I would've been reminded that planning out my life is not my job).
God's given me desires and passions to reach people, but to be honest, I'm scared to do so because I so easily take hold of the reins and begin down the path that appears quick and easy. I am so easily distracted off the path that God has lain out for me. I see something that I want relatively close to my reach and I sprint toward it.
My impatience and desire to control things kills me. In my head I realize the affects they have on me, but my heart keeps insisting that I move forward.
This waiting game that I feel I am playing is probably largely my fault. If I would just sit still and wait on God to unfold things, I would be farther along than I am. Who knows, maybe I would be living out one of my plans.
I've often thought about working with young girls. There is something so important about having someone to talk to about anything and everything when you are in junior high, and even high school. I cannot even begin to explain just how important it was for me. Without my junior high youth leader, I probably would've been more lost than I was. When you find a person who can hug you and make you melt or who can read your emotions by one little glance, hold onto them because they are a true gift from God. I want to be that for another person. I want to express to them the importance of their life. I want to inform them that their opinions and dreams do matter. I want young girls to know that there is more to life than looking pretty and getting attention. I want them to realize that they were put on this earth for a reason-and it's not just to make money or attract boys.
Maybe I've been playing what I see as the waiting game because God's not done preparing me for the next step. Maybe he has a plan that trumps any of mine...actually, I'm sure he does...but maybe my incessant attempts to make my plan work have been blinding me to the plan he is working to unfold right in front of my eyes. And, maybe that plan is to work with young girls, or maybe it's something entirely different. Whatever it is, I know that it will be the time of my life because God isn't in the game to let me down. He's not out to disappoint me. His plan will be far better than any I've thought up. I just need to remember that no matter how many plans I create, they will foil without his hand in them.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Antsy and Restless
Do you ever just want to get out, start over, begin something new? Do you ever just crave a drastic change?
I do. I often get to be antsy and restless. I want to do something new and exciting. I want to travel. Man do I ever want to travel, and not just to different states...though my goal is to visit every one, I mean countries. I want to see Italy, Ireland, England, Japan, India, more of Africa, Scotland, and the list goes on and on. I want to walk streets and rub shoulders with people who are of another culture and speak a different language but still share the familiarity of laughter and smiles. I want to see sights and eat foods and smell smells that are not familiar to me. Not only do I want to travel, but I want to travel with a purpose far beyond my human desire to explore. I want to touch hearts and lives.
I want to learn new things. I've dabbled with the idea of going back to school, but the thought terrifies me to the core. I want to join culinary school, take photography classes, get my massage license, and maybe even get a business management degree. There are so many things that spark my interest, and they are swirling around in my head causing my mind to become dizzy.
I'm a dreamer, what can I say?! But, I don't want my dreams to just be far and unreachable. I want them to come true. I want to accomplish some of them...maybe even all of them.
I don't enjoy being restless and scared to death at the same time. I don't know what to do with that combination. I pray often that God will show me my next adventure, but my impatience clouds my vision and fear puts up glass walls. I often wonder how God is going to use me. I don't know where I will be in a few months, but my desire is to be in the center of his will. He has opened my eyes to so many possibilities, and I don't doubt that he will continue to bring new things across my path. He has equipped my heart with all these dreams, and he is perfectly capable of making each of them come true if he sees fit. All I need to do is let go.
I do. I often get to be antsy and restless. I want to do something new and exciting. I want to travel. Man do I ever want to travel, and not just to different states...though my goal is to visit every one, I mean countries. I want to see Italy, Ireland, England, Japan, India, more of Africa, Scotland, and the list goes on and on. I want to walk streets and rub shoulders with people who are of another culture and speak a different language but still share the familiarity of laughter and smiles. I want to see sights and eat foods and smell smells that are not familiar to me. Not only do I want to travel, but I want to travel with a purpose far beyond my human desire to explore. I want to touch hearts and lives.
I want to learn new things. I've dabbled with the idea of going back to school, but the thought terrifies me to the core. I want to join culinary school, take photography classes, get my massage license, and maybe even get a business management degree. There are so many things that spark my interest, and they are swirling around in my head causing my mind to become dizzy.
I'm a dreamer, what can I say?! But, I don't want my dreams to just be far and unreachable. I want them to come true. I want to accomplish some of them...maybe even all of them.
I don't enjoy being restless and scared to death at the same time. I don't know what to do with that combination. I pray often that God will show me my next adventure, but my impatience clouds my vision and fear puts up glass walls. I often wonder how God is going to use me. I don't know where I will be in a few months, but my desire is to be in the center of his will. He has opened my eyes to so many possibilities, and I don't doubt that he will continue to bring new things across my path. He has equipped my heart with all these dreams, and he is perfectly capable of making each of them come true if he sees fit. All I need to do is let go.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Happy Mother's Day...
Once a year we take time out to say thank you and show our appreciation to a group of women who if not for them we would not be who we are today.
I am not a mother, but I have played a similar role to so many children. The kids I take care of become like my own. When they fall and scrape their knee, I scoop them up to kiss their boo-boos. When they need to be punished, I swear it's harder on me than them. My heart breaks a little each time I lay them down for nap and hear them cry out my name as I shut the door. My heart leaps for joy when they run to hug me good-bye and cringes when they cry if I slip out the door before they get the chance to wrap their little arms around my waist. I think my face lights up just as much as theirs when I see them, and the list of these instances could go on for quite a few more sentences.
I feel all those things, and yet I am not a mother to any of them. How much more do their actual mothers feel those emotions. I wonder what each child will grow up to be. I ponder the abilities and characteristics that are slowly being molded in front of my eyes, and I like to speculate what each of those little bodies will one day accomplish. I fear for their souls. I fear that they will one day grow up and choose to listen to their own will instead of the one belonging to our Heavenly Father. I know that it is my responsibility to be a light to those tiny little hearts while I have my chance. How much more does a mother feel that?
I do not lie awake at night (unless doing an overnight) and listen to the rhythmic breathing (and possible snoring) of those tiny vessels. I do not lie awake at night as they get older and wonder what they are doing and why they are not home two minutes after curfew. A time comes when I do not worry about them anymore because the time has past for me to care for them. Time ages them and replaces the need for a nanny or babysitter, but time never replaces the need for a mother. Even when that mother's love is the one thing the child cannot seem to handle a mother loves and continues to love. When friends replace family and jobs cut into sit down Sunday dinners, when boyfriends and girlfriends become the number one priority and days off from school are spent with them rather than at home, when attitudes and independence begin to buck against the maternal instincts to protect and provide, a mother does not replace her love for her children. If anything, that love only grows stronger and deeper.
There is a special bond formed while child is still in the womb. It hears the voice of it's mother, and the mother is in tune with the child's movements. The mother-child bond only grows as the child does. Even when the child turns away from parental guidance and does things that strike fear in the heart of the very woman who endured the pain to birth them, that love is present, like the air that is breathed. It's unconditional.
I am so thankful for the mother that God gave me. The past 23 years she has loved me, and I know without a doubt that she will never stop loving me. No matter what I do, how I speak, where I go, what I try, she will love me. She has taught me so much about people- she is the reason I know as much as I do about children. She is the reason I love to bake. She is the reason I rearrange my furniture at least once a month. She is the reason I have a heart for people. She is the one who led me to Christ.
God blessed me with amazing parents, and on this Mother's Day (that is almost over) I want to thank her.
Thank you, Mom, for doing all that you do.... I love you....
I am not a mother, but I have played a similar role to so many children. The kids I take care of become like my own. When they fall and scrape their knee, I scoop them up to kiss their boo-boos. When they need to be punished, I swear it's harder on me than them. My heart breaks a little each time I lay them down for nap and hear them cry out my name as I shut the door. My heart leaps for joy when they run to hug me good-bye and cringes when they cry if I slip out the door before they get the chance to wrap their little arms around my waist. I think my face lights up just as much as theirs when I see them, and the list of these instances could go on for quite a few more sentences.
I feel all those things, and yet I am not a mother to any of them. How much more do their actual mothers feel those emotions. I wonder what each child will grow up to be. I ponder the abilities and characteristics that are slowly being molded in front of my eyes, and I like to speculate what each of those little bodies will one day accomplish. I fear for their souls. I fear that they will one day grow up and choose to listen to their own will instead of the one belonging to our Heavenly Father. I know that it is my responsibility to be a light to those tiny little hearts while I have my chance. How much more does a mother feel that?
I do not lie awake at night (unless doing an overnight) and listen to the rhythmic breathing (and possible snoring) of those tiny vessels. I do not lie awake at night as they get older and wonder what they are doing and why they are not home two minutes after curfew. A time comes when I do not worry about them anymore because the time has past for me to care for them. Time ages them and replaces the need for a nanny or babysitter, but time never replaces the need for a mother. Even when that mother's love is the one thing the child cannot seem to handle a mother loves and continues to love. When friends replace family and jobs cut into sit down Sunday dinners, when boyfriends and girlfriends become the number one priority and days off from school are spent with them rather than at home, when attitudes and independence begin to buck against the maternal instincts to protect and provide, a mother does not replace her love for her children. If anything, that love only grows stronger and deeper.
There is a special bond formed while child is still in the womb. It hears the voice of it's mother, and the mother is in tune with the child's movements. The mother-child bond only grows as the child does. Even when the child turns away from parental guidance and does things that strike fear in the heart of the very woman who endured the pain to birth them, that love is present, like the air that is breathed. It's unconditional.
I am so thankful for the mother that God gave me. The past 23 years she has loved me, and I know without a doubt that she will never stop loving me. No matter what I do, how I speak, where I go, what I try, she will love me. She has taught me so much about people- she is the reason I know as much as I do about children. She is the reason I love to bake. She is the reason I rearrange my furniture at least once a month. She is the reason I have a heart for people. She is the one who led me to Christ.
God blessed me with amazing parents, and on this Mother's Day (that is almost over) I want to thank her.
Thank you, Mom, for doing all that you do.... I love you....
a few months before I moved...
Christmas 2010
Beach 2012
Mom with some of her crew
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Daily Battle
"I got this."
"I know what I'm doing."
"No worries, I know what I can and cannot handle."
"I'm stronger (or smarter) than you think."
I can't begin to tell you how many times I have thought one (if not all) of these statements at one point in my life. No matter how many times I fall flat on my face because I thought I knew what was best for me, I seem to always resemble a broken record that just keeps repeating the same thing over and over.
I rely on myself to get me through, to succeed, to obtain what I want.
I am so easily confident in my ability to take care of things that I forget the end result and consequences that came about from the previous attempt to go through with my own ideas and plans.
Maybe I have a hard head. Maybe I'm stubborn...okay, I will be honest, I am very stubborn. I don't like to do things because someone else thinks I should. I do things because I want to do them, and unfortunately, I like to do things that others warn me about simply so that I can prove a point that I am perfectly capable of making my own decisions. When I put my mind to something, I tend to stick with it to the (often gruesome) end.
And what is the result, you may ask?
Well, much to my pride's dismay, I end up acknowledging my stubbornness and crawling back apologizing and admitting (sometimes through gritted teeth) that they were right.
Gosh, I really hate having to do that!
I suppose you could say that I have some pride issues to work on, but then again, what human doesn't? This world we live in is so caught up on being the best, succeeding in everything, outdoing the other person, no matter what the sacrifice, to make sure we look better. Our wants, our needs, our desires, our goals, our ambitions, our opinions are always better than the other person's no matter what other people say. Pride is thrown into our face each and every day that we walk this dying earth. And yet, we as believers, are to die to our wants, our needs, our desires, our goals. We are to take up our cross and follow our Savior and live as he lived. We are called to go against the grain, and my friend, it's not easy! Choosing to do things our own way, choosing to end up "better" than everyone else seems to be the easier choice in the beginning. Only after we get knee deep in our own muck do we realize just how much more difficult our prideful route is. We serve a God who experienced life on this earth. He suffered through all the things that seem to be unbearable. He was pressured to give into his own selfish desires. Opportunities to boast in his own abilities presented themselves each and everyday, but he chose humility.
He did not live a life full of pride. He lived the exact opposite. He humbled himself before men. He humbled himself to the point of washing his disciples' feet. He literally took the sandals off the feet of those who followed him and cleaned the dust and grime off of each heel and toe until they were clean. I'm sure some of those feet were smelly and calloused and torn, but that didn't stop him. He knew it was needed, and so he did it. He didn't take into consideration what others might think of him. He didn't stop to think about how it would affect his reputation. He simply served those who needed it.
So often I want to do things that will make myself look better. I want to be able to say that I have something someone doesn't. I have to remind myself daily that I don't know the answers to everything, that I am not capable of all things (on my own). I must remind myself that it is only by God's grace that I am even breathing, let alone able to accomplish things. I often fail at acknowledging my need for my Savior's guidance and strength. My ideas of how things should go trump my Savior's plan more often than I want to admit (pride talking again...).
Each day I must choose to lay down my pride and graciously follow His lead-it is the only route that does not end in failure.
"I know what I'm doing."
"No worries, I know what I can and cannot handle."
"I'm stronger (or smarter) than you think."
I can't begin to tell you how many times I have thought one (if not all) of these statements at one point in my life. No matter how many times I fall flat on my face because I thought I knew what was best for me, I seem to always resemble a broken record that just keeps repeating the same thing over and over.
I rely on myself to get me through, to succeed, to obtain what I want.
I am so easily confident in my ability to take care of things that I forget the end result and consequences that came about from the previous attempt to go through with my own ideas and plans.
Maybe I have a hard head. Maybe I'm stubborn...okay, I will be honest, I am very stubborn. I don't like to do things because someone else thinks I should. I do things because I want to do them, and unfortunately, I like to do things that others warn me about simply so that I can prove a point that I am perfectly capable of making my own decisions. When I put my mind to something, I tend to stick with it to the (often gruesome) end.
And what is the result, you may ask?
Well, much to my pride's dismay, I end up acknowledging my stubbornness and crawling back apologizing and admitting (sometimes through gritted teeth) that they were right.
Gosh, I really hate having to do that!
I suppose you could say that I have some pride issues to work on, but then again, what human doesn't? This world we live in is so caught up on being the best, succeeding in everything, outdoing the other person, no matter what the sacrifice, to make sure we look better. Our wants, our needs, our desires, our goals, our ambitions, our opinions are always better than the other person's no matter what other people say. Pride is thrown into our face each and every day that we walk this dying earth. And yet, we as believers, are to die to our wants, our needs, our desires, our goals. We are to take up our cross and follow our Savior and live as he lived. We are called to go against the grain, and my friend, it's not easy! Choosing to do things our own way, choosing to end up "better" than everyone else seems to be the easier choice in the beginning. Only after we get knee deep in our own muck do we realize just how much more difficult our prideful route is. We serve a God who experienced life on this earth. He suffered through all the things that seem to be unbearable. He was pressured to give into his own selfish desires. Opportunities to boast in his own abilities presented themselves each and everyday, but he chose humility.
He did not live a life full of pride. He lived the exact opposite. He humbled himself before men. He humbled himself to the point of washing his disciples' feet. He literally took the sandals off the feet of those who followed him and cleaned the dust and grime off of each heel and toe until they were clean. I'm sure some of those feet were smelly and calloused and torn, but that didn't stop him. He knew it was needed, and so he did it. He didn't take into consideration what others might think of him. He didn't stop to think about how it would affect his reputation. He simply served those who needed it.
So often I want to do things that will make myself look better. I want to be able to say that I have something someone doesn't. I have to remind myself daily that I don't know the answers to everything, that I am not capable of all things (on my own). I must remind myself that it is only by God's grace that I am even breathing, let alone able to accomplish things. I often fail at acknowledging my need for my Savior's guidance and strength. My ideas of how things should go trump my Savior's plan more often than I want to admit (pride talking again...).
Each day I must choose to lay down my pride and graciously follow His lead-it is the only route that does not end in failure.
Friday, April 20, 2012
Is it More?
Worship.
It's a noun and a verb.
A thing or idea and an action.
It's a choice.
I was listening to a song the other day (unfortunately, I cannot remember the title or artist), and it mentioned worshiping the one who made us and sustains us. One of the radio hosts came on the air after the song was over, and they asked one simple question.
Is worship more than just a song for you?
I paused and thought about that.
Is worship more than just a song I sing on Sunday?
Is it more than just singing back praises to God once a week or singing along to Christian artists on the radio?The obvious answer is yes, but think about that. If it's more than just singing along with another person or singing praise songs once a week, what is it?
Answers started to flood my mind as I sat and contemplated that.
I think that worshiping something (of course I'm talking about God, our creator) comes from a desire to give back. Worshiping God is a small act of saying 'thank you' to him. He has done so much for each and everyone of us, whether we choose to acknowledge it or not.
Worship is a lifestyle. It's making the decision to live your life out to sing praises back to God. It's making choices throughout the day to point back to God. It's choosing to do something because you know it will bring God honor. It's choosing to say, or not to say, something that will allow others to see your light shining bright for Him. It's allowing others to know that you are different.
A lifestyle of worship requires sacrifice. It is within every fiber of me to want to do things that will make people happy. I don't like to ruffle people's feathers. I hate knowing that someone might be upset with me. Worship, as a lifestyle, requires me to completely sacrifice my want and need to keep everyone at peace. It requires me to stand up for something not everyone believes to be true. It takes a strength that is more than any power I can muster up. It takes supernatural power to deny my selfish desires and concerns and say, okay God, I will follow you.
Worship is a lifestyle, and it's one that I want to live out every day that my heart is beating. The price may seem great right now to stand out and be different, but when it comes to Christ and his love being shared with others, I am willing to pay it.
I was not put on this earth to accomplish things off of my own agenda. I, as a believer and follower of Jesus Christ, do not have a personal agenda. I do not have a check list that trumps that of God's. He has a desire and that is for all to know him, for all to choose him, for all to say no to their own wants and needs.
My life was given to me not to be used for my gain but his. He has equipped me with more tools than I know what to do with, and all I need to do is look to him for instructions.
My words, my actions, my choices, do they reflect that of God's?
Is my worship more than just a song?
It's a noun and a verb.
A thing or idea and an action.
It's a choice.
I was listening to a song the other day (unfortunately, I cannot remember the title or artist), and it mentioned worshiping the one who made us and sustains us. One of the radio hosts came on the air after the song was over, and they asked one simple question.
Is worship more than just a song for you?
I paused and thought about that.
Is worship more than just a song I sing on Sunday?
Is it more than just singing back praises to God once a week or singing along to Christian artists on the radio?The obvious answer is yes, but think about that. If it's more than just singing along with another person or singing praise songs once a week, what is it?
Answers started to flood my mind as I sat and contemplated that.
I think that worshiping something (of course I'm talking about God, our creator) comes from a desire to give back. Worshiping God is a small act of saying 'thank you' to him. He has done so much for each and everyone of us, whether we choose to acknowledge it or not.
Worship is a lifestyle. It's making the decision to live your life out to sing praises back to God. It's making choices throughout the day to point back to God. It's choosing to do something because you know it will bring God honor. It's choosing to say, or not to say, something that will allow others to see your light shining bright for Him. It's allowing others to know that you are different.
A lifestyle of worship requires sacrifice. It is within every fiber of me to want to do things that will make people happy. I don't like to ruffle people's feathers. I hate knowing that someone might be upset with me. Worship, as a lifestyle, requires me to completely sacrifice my want and need to keep everyone at peace. It requires me to stand up for something not everyone believes to be true. It takes a strength that is more than any power I can muster up. It takes supernatural power to deny my selfish desires and concerns and say, okay God, I will follow you.
Worship is a lifestyle, and it's one that I want to live out every day that my heart is beating. The price may seem great right now to stand out and be different, but when it comes to Christ and his love being shared with others, I am willing to pay it.
I was not put on this earth to accomplish things off of my own agenda. I, as a believer and follower of Jesus Christ, do not have a personal agenda. I do not have a check list that trumps that of God's. He has a desire and that is for all to know him, for all to choose him, for all to say no to their own wants and needs.
My life was given to me not to be used for my gain but his. He has equipped me with more tools than I know what to do with, and all I need to do is look to him for instructions.
My words, my actions, my choices, do they reflect that of God's?
Is my worship more than just a song?
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Heart's Prayer
There are things that we have been gifted with. Some we may them see as more of a curse than a blessing, but each one makes us unique. Our thoughts, opinions, likes, dislikes, and desires are far different than any other human being. Our temperament and disposition give each of us a different vantage point. Not a single one of us will ever be 100% like someone else. 100% unique!
Each of us has a heart prayer. Some may see it as a passion, others may call is a desire, and still others may think of it as a dream, but no matter what we call it, there is something placed in each of us that we desire to do. Some are more willing to acknowledge it while others shy away from it. To some of us, the dream seems far too large to reach. We see it as impossible and decide to find a plan b.
We were not created for a plan b. We were not created for second best. We were not created to settle. We were created to shine. We were created to exceed. We were created to strive. We were created to reach far beyond the stars. We were created by the God of the impossible. He knew what he was doing when he placed inside of each of us a dream. He knew how we would respond to our own dream, and he knew which one of us would jump at any opportunity to attain it.
We were not created for a plan b. We were not created for second best. We were not created to settle. We were created to shine. We were created to exceed. We were created to strive. We were created to reach far beyond the stars. We were created by the God of the impossible. He knew what he was doing when he placed inside of each of us a dream. He knew how we would respond to our own dream, and he knew which one of us would jump at any opportunity to attain it.
God knew.
He knew.
That's incredible.
He knew that in this life I would experience heart ache. He knew that I would face things starting from a young age that would create insecurities. He knew that I would be challenged. He knew that I would endure pain and suffering.
He also knew that those painful and tough experiences would help mold me into who I am. He knew that without all those experiences my heart would not be tender to others. He knew that I would need to experience all that I have. He knew the bigger picture, and he knew just how to work it all together.
He also knew that those painful and tough experiences would help mold me into who I am. He knew that without all those experiences my heart would not be tender to others. He knew that I would need to experience all that I have. He knew the bigger picture, and he knew just how to work it all together.
He knows how it will all play out, and he knows when my "ah-hah!" moment will come. He knows what I will accomplish in this life.
He knows that I have a heart for people...for kids. He knows that I have a heart for those who are hurting. He knows that I have ideas and plans for my life that I am almost too scared to even think about.
He knows because he placed them there. And he did not place them there for them to sit dormant all my life.
We all have them placed there, and all of us need to be reminded of and embrace the fact that God is not a God of empty promises. He is a God who fulfills all that he says. He is a God of surprises, and he is a God of possibilities. That dream that is inside of each and every one of us, the thoughts that run through our minds while we lay in bed at night, the ideas that flare up in our hearts every now and then- they were not put there to tease us. They were put there because God knows we are capable of doing each and every one of them...with his hand guiding the way.
I have ideas of what I want to do with my life. I cannot look at pictures of children overseas without longing to be there next to them. I cannot drive by the homeless man on the corner without wanting to make things better for him and all the others. I cannot listen to a story of a young girl broken because of things that have happened to her without wanting to hold her in my arms and tell her it's all going to work out in the end. All of those reactions are not my own human reactions, they are God's love and reactions shining through me. Each of those scenarios are him prodding my heart, reminding me that I am not on this earth for my pleasure or gain. I am on this earth to do his work, to bring him gain, to shine his light on the dark hearts of others around me.
My dreams... they are not my own. They are my Father's that he specifically put into my heart. It is my responsibility to trust him. It is my responsibility to take a leap of faith and move forward toward the prayers set in my heart. To ignore them would be disobedience to him. To push them aside because I see them as impossible would be evidence of my lack of faith in him.
What's your dream... your heart's prayer?
He knows that I have a heart for people...for kids. He knows that I have a heart for those who are hurting. He knows that I have ideas and plans for my life that I am almost too scared to even think about.
He knows because he placed them there. And he did not place them there for them to sit dormant all my life.
We all have them placed there, and all of us need to be reminded of and embrace the fact that God is not a God of empty promises. He is a God who fulfills all that he says. He is a God of surprises, and he is a God of possibilities. That dream that is inside of each and every one of us, the thoughts that run through our minds while we lay in bed at night, the ideas that flare up in our hearts every now and then- they were not put there to tease us. They were put there because God knows we are capable of doing each and every one of them...with his hand guiding the way.
I have ideas of what I want to do with my life. I cannot look at pictures of children overseas without longing to be there next to them. I cannot drive by the homeless man on the corner without wanting to make things better for him and all the others. I cannot listen to a story of a young girl broken because of things that have happened to her without wanting to hold her in my arms and tell her it's all going to work out in the end. All of those reactions are not my own human reactions, they are God's love and reactions shining through me. Each of those scenarios are him prodding my heart, reminding me that I am not on this earth for my pleasure or gain. I am on this earth to do his work, to bring him gain, to shine his light on the dark hearts of others around me.
My dreams... they are not my own. They are my Father's that he specifically put into my heart. It is my responsibility to trust him. It is my responsibility to take a leap of faith and move forward toward the prayers set in my heart. To ignore them would be disobedience to him. To push them aside because I see them as impossible would be evidence of my lack of faith in him.
What's your dream... your heart's prayer?
Thursday, April 5, 2012
We All Have Them
"All have what?" you ask.
Idols.
Now, before you start to think, "well she might, but I most certainly do not," hear me out.
Bitterness.
Jealousy.
Anger.
Passion.
Love.
Money.
Power.
Freedom.
Reputation.
Respect.
Comfort.
Success.
This is not an exhaustive list. These are just a few things that we, as imperfect human beings, long to have. Maybe we don't all desire to have each and every one of these, and maybe there are some that I didn't list that one of you may wish to achieve. The point is, every one of these things that we desire to have and try to achieve can very easily become the idol of our life. Our actions and thoughts are all in an effort to attain these or maintain them.
Now, when I think of idols, I think of the Israelites in Bible times or ancient cultures that bowed down to golden calves, hand crafted images, or people. The thought of television and money also pop into my mind thanks to childhood Bible school lessons that taught me to not allow the love of money or media control me. To me, television and money are a common idol in our culture. I never thought of the need for love or security or respect or power or (fill in the blank) as something we could bow down to, but how could they not be?
According to Webster's Dictionary, idol is used as a noun (person, place, thing, or idea) and is defined as a representation or symbol of an object of worship; a likeness of something; a form or appearance visible but without substance; an object of extreme devotion; a false concept.
Given that definition, anything can become an idol. I love the definition "a form or appearance visible but without substance." Any one of those listed above could easily fall under this definition. Pair that definition with the "object of extreme devotion," and we have a killer truth that so many of us are either unaware of or in denial about.
I am guilty of having one (and I'm sure there are many more) of these idols, and I didn't even realize it until recently. I idolize love and the desire to be loved, to be connected, to be desired. Honestly, what girl doesn't? I allow myself to focus on that way too much and it easily becomes the focal point of my thinking. I think more on that than on the God who has placed that desire in me.
Respect is another big one so easy to fall into. "Well, that person doesn't deserve my respect because they don't give me any."
Idols start out innocent, but they quietly creep up and make residence in our hearts and lives. Soon we begin to devise ways to achieve what we desire. We are willing to do whatever it takes to fulfill our desires, even if it includes stepping on other people or compromising our beliefs or promises. We do not trust that what we desire will come in time.
As a follower of Christ, I should believe in confidence that God will provide me the desires of my heart. My desires are to matter, to be loved and to know love. My desire is to make a difference in the lives of people and to feel connected to a person. I push people away afraid that they will take away that desire from me after letting me have a taste of it.
I fear rejection from others. Not only do I idolize love, but I also idolize my reputation. I want to be known as a wonderful person to others. Those two things sometimes do not go hand in hand, and I, in my finite and human mind, choose which one I think would be okay to compromise on.
By striving to attain these two things, love and reputation, I neglect to focus on the One who can actually give me all of those things. I allow my trust in him to diminish and my confidence in myself to increase. I allow myself to compromise my trust in Him which is equivalent to me simply running away from him. By taking matters into my own hands, I am spitting in his face and flat out telling him that I don't trust him.
I allow myself to think that I (an imperfect girl, selfishly seeking her own desires, striving to fulfill her little plans without seeing the big picture, and leaping into the big chasm of the unknown) can achieve my hearts desires without the One who placed them there. I allow myself to think that I am bigger and more capable than the God of this whole entire universe. I allow myself to be convinced that I am more equipped to face all the sharp turns, drops, mountains, and rapids without a map than the one who designed them all.
How foolish is that?
But, no matter how foolish I realize it to be, I still find myself turning back to myself and running from God. How do I fix this? Well, realizing and admitting that I do have idols in my life and that I am too prideful to get rid of them fully is a good first step.
It's not easy to admit that you have pride, but each and everyone of us who allow worry of something not happening control us and become our focus is guilty of pride. We proudly think that we are more capable whether we know it and realize it or not.
Change isn't easy, but it is possible. It is more than possible with the God of the impossible on our side. We are able to move a mountain with the strength of God, so to think that we could not overcome our fear with his help is..well... prideful. Change must come from the heart. It must be a sincere desire or else it will never take place. It's not easy. In fact, it's much harder than you realize at first, but change brings new beginnings that can be far better than what was before.
We all have those things we are holding onto, striving to reach with all that we are, but wouldn't it be so much easier to just let go and let God amaze us? He has so much in store for each and every one of us, but trusting ourselves more than Him will not open our eyes to those great things.
Idols.
Now, before you start to think, "well she might, but I most certainly do not," hear me out.
Bitterness.
Jealousy.
Anger.
Passion.
Love.
Money.
Power.
Freedom.
Reputation.
Respect.
Comfort.
Success.
This is not an exhaustive list. These are just a few things that we, as imperfect human beings, long to have. Maybe we don't all desire to have each and every one of these, and maybe there are some that I didn't list that one of you may wish to achieve. The point is, every one of these things that we desire to have and try to achieve can very easily become the idol of our life. Our actions and thoughts are all in an effort to attain these or maintain them.
Now, when I think of idols, I think of the Israelites in Bible times or ancient cultures that bowed down to golden calves, hand crafted images, or people. The thought of television and money also pop into my mind thanks to childhood Bible school lessons that taught me to not allow the love of money or media control me. To me, television and money are a common idol in our culture. I never thought of the need for love or security or respect or power or (fill in the blank) as something we could bow down to, but how could they not be?
According to Webster's Dictionary, idol is used as a noun (person, place, thing, or idea) and is defined as a representation or symbol of an object of worship; a likeness of something; a form or appearance visible but without substance; an object of extreme devotion; a false concept.
Given that definition, anything can become an idol. I love the definition "a form or appearance visible but without substance." Any one of those listed above could easily fall under this definition. Pair that definition with the "object of extreme devotion," and we have a killer truth that so many of us are either unaware of or in denial about.
I am guilty of having one (and I'm sure there are many more) of these idols, and I didn't even realize it until recently. I idolize love and the desire to be loved, to be connected, to be desired. Honestly, what girl doesn't? I allow myself to focus on that way too much and it easily becomes the focal point of my thinking. I think more on that than on the God who has placed that desire in me.
Respect is another big one so easy to fall into. "Well, that person doesn't deserve my respect because they don't give me any."
Idols start out innocent, but they quietly creep up and make residence in our hearts and lives. Soon we begin to devise ways to achieve what we desire. We are willing to do whatever it takes to fulfill our desires, even if it includes stepping on other people or compromising our beliefs or promises. We do not trust that what we desire will come in time.
As a follower of Christ, I should believe in confidence that God will provide me the desires of my heart. My desires are to matter, to be loved and to know love. My desire is to make a difference in the lives of people and to feel connected to a person. I push people away afraid that they will take away that desire from me after letting me have a taste of it.
I fear rejection from others. Not only do I idolize love, but I also idolize my reputation. I want to be known as a wonderful person to others. Those two things sometimes do not go hand in hand, and I, in my finite and human mind, choose which one I think would be okay to compromise on.
By striving to attain these two things, love and reputation, I neglect to focus on the One who can actually give me all of those things. I allow my trust in him to diminish and my confidence in myself to increase. I allow myself to compromise my trust in Him which is equivalent to me simply running away from him. By taking matters into my own hands, I am spitting in his face and flat out telling him that I don't trust him.
I allow myself to think that I (an imperfect girl, selfishly seeking her own desires, striving to fulfill her little plans without seeing the big picture, and leaping into the big chasm of the unknown) can achieve my hearts desires without the One who placed them there. I allow myself to think that I am bigger and more capable than the God of this whole entire universe. I allow myself to be convinced that I am more equipped to face all the sharp turns, drops, mountains, and rapids without a map than the one who designed them all.
How foolish is that?
But, no matter how foolish I realize it to be, I still find myself turning back to myself and running from God. How do I fix this? Well, realizing and admitting that I do have idols in my life and that I am too prideful to get rid of them fully is a good first step.
It's not easy to admit that you have pride, but each and everyone of us who allow worry of something not happening control us and become our focus is guilty of pride. We proudly think that we are more capable whether we know it and realize it or not.
Change isn't easy, but it is possible. It is more than possible with the God of the impossible on our side. We are able to move a mountain with the strength of God, so to think that we could not overcome our fear with his help is..well... prideful. Change must come from the heart. It must be a sincere desire or else it will never take place. It's not easy. In fact, it's much harder than you realize at first, but change brings new beginnings that can be far better than what was before.
We all have those things we are holding onto, striving to reach with all that we are, but wouldn't it be so much easier to just let go and let God amaze us? He has so much in store for each and every one of us, but trusting ourselves more than Him will not open our eyes to those great things.
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