Crashing is the Best Part

Crash and burn.
Sounds painful. No one likes to take a risk only to fail. No one likes to jump out of the plane with only a 10% chance of having a parachute attached to them. People want to have a higher percentage than that. I can say without a doubt that the idea of crashing and burning has no appeal to me.
And yet, I do it. A lot!
I take my own ideas and run with them. I run with them so far that I can't tell which way is back. I run so quickly that I stumble and run over things, sometimes even people. I run so hard and so blindly that I drop pieces of myself while fleeing. I run because I think I can find a place that is safe, free of pain.
Call me crazy, but I think there is a recurring theme here. I.
For someone who doesn't enjoy the crash landing, I sure do know how to set myself up for it.
I am not the most graceful person, either, so things just seem to get more messy. The farther I go and the harder I run, the longer I have to fall and the harder the landing. I am so thankful that I have a God who is not interested in perfect people. I am so thankful that I do not serve a God who is sold on using the ones who seem to have it all together.
My God chooses to use the stubborn, the hard headed, the prideful, the shamed, the outcasts, the angry, and the list goes on. He chooses to use those deemed by others as tainted or unworthy, because they can bring him so much glory. His name is praised as they turn from their ways and follow him. His name is praised when they reach out to others and share their story. His name is praised when others are touched by the things He has done for them.
I run, and I run rather recklessly. This is not the first time that I have realized this truth, nor is it the last (of this I'm sure). But, I do pray that this is the last time that I allow myself to believe that I can run farther than God can see or faster than He can follow. My heart belongs to him, and He is not the kind of god to sit on the side lines and watch as his children frolic about making messes. Will He allow it for a while? Yes, but there will come a time when He will start calling their names and beckoning them to come back to him.
Our hearts long to feel safe and loved. They long to feel secure and protected. And, they have just that, provided we allow ourselves to abide in the presence of the One who keeps them beating. But, when we allow ourselves to believe that we can find a better place that will provide more security and more comfort, we remove ourselves from the only place our hearts long to be, and we allow our mind to convince our heart that it doesn't really feel secure there. So, we run.
We, I, must stop trying to do things on my own. Nothing will work out that way. The ending will always be the same- pain, frustration, shame, and guilt. Pain because we end up doing and saying things that hurt ourselves and others. Frustration because we don't understand why we allowed ourselves to run again. Shame because we know that we knew running was wrong in the first place. And, guilt because we ran anyway.
One thing leads to another, and the vicious cycle continues.
But...
There is yet another recurring theme throughout all of this. God doesn't change. He doesn't view us differently. He looks at us the same way he looked at us from the beginning of time. He sees us as his perfect work that he has a plan for. He sees us and knows the plan that he has for each of us. He knows how all this running will be used to bring him glory. It is by his grace that we are able to come back home- the only place our hearts desire to be. It is by his grace that we are able to stand back up after such a devastating crash and burn and begin again.
He allows second chances...even second and third and fourth ones.
How amazing and comforting that is to know?
It's even more amazing and comforting to believe it!!