"I know what I'm doing."
"No worries, I know what I can and cannot handle."
"I'm stronger (or smarter) than you think."
I can't begin to tell you how many times I have thought one (if not all) of these statements at one point in my life. No matter how many times I fall flat on my face because I thought I knew what was best for me, I seem to always resemble a broken record that just keeps repeating the same thing over and over.
I rely on myself to get me through, to succeed, to obtain what I want.
I am so easily confident in my ability to take care of things that I forget the end result and consequences that came about from the previous attempt to go through with my own ideas and plans.
Maybe I have a hard head. Maybe I'm stubborn...okay, I will be honest, I am very stubborn. I don't like to do things because someone else thinks I should. I do things because I want to do them, and unfortunately, I like to do things that others warn me about simply so that I can prove a point that I am perfectly capable of making my own decisions. When I put my mind to something, I tend to stick with it to the (often gruesome) end.
And what is the result, you may ask?
Well, much to my pride's dismay, I end up acknowledging my stubbornness and crawling back apologizing and admitting (sometimes through gritted teeth) that they were right.
Gosh, I really hate having to do that!
I suppose you could say that I have some pride issues to work on, but then again, what human doesn't? This world we live in is so caught up on being the best, succeeding in everything, outdoing the other person, no matter what the sacrifice, to make sure we look better. Our wants, our needs, our desires, our goals, our ambitions, our opinions are always better than the other person's no matter what other people say. Pride is thrown into our face each and every day that we walk this dying earth. And yet, we as believers, are to die to our wants, our needs, our desires, our goals. We are to take up our cross and follow our Savior and live as he lived. We are called to go against the grain, and my friend, it's not easy! Choosing to do things our own way, choosing to end up "better" than everyone else seems to be the easier choice in the beginning. Only after we get knee deep in our own muck do we realize just how much more difficult our prideful route is. We serve a God who experienced life on this earth. He suffered through all the things that seem to be unbearable. He was pressured to give into his own selfish desires. Opportunities to boast in his own abilities presented themselves each and everyday, but he chose humility.
He did not live a life full of pride. He lived the exact opposite. He humbled himself before men. He humbled himself to the point of washing his disciples' feet. He literally took the sandals off the feet of those who followed him and cleaned the dust and grime off of each heel and toe until they were clean. I'm sure some of those feet were smelly and calloused and torn, but that didn't stop him. He knew it was needed, and so he did it. He didn't take into consideration what others might think of him. He didn't stop to think about how it would affect his reputation. He simply served those who needed it.
So often I want to do things that will make myself look better. I want to be able to say that I have something someone doesn't. I have to remind myself daily that I don't know the answers to everything, that I am not capable of all things (on my own). I must remind myself that it is only by God's grace that I am even breathing, let alone able to accomplish things. I often fail at acknowledging my need for my Savior's guidance and strength. My ideas of how things should go trump my Savior's plan more often than I want to admit (pride talking again...).
Each day I must choose to lay down my pride and graciously follow His lead-it is the only route that does not end in failure.
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